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Quite often when people come into my office experiencing depression, they are quite upset with themselves because they feel they don’t have any reason to be depressed. Unfortunately, this thought hinders their healing process.

We are our own worst enemy. For healing to begin, it’s very important that you give yourself permission to feel depressed. No one wants to feel depressed. Thus, fighting the fact that you have depression will only complicate the situation. You might compare it to learning to swim. When one is anxious about it, one fights the water and usually goes under. However, when you can relax, you can stay afloat and glide through the water.

Don’t expect too much from yourself. It’s important not to set unrealistic goals for yourself which can lead to feelings of failure. We know that taking on too much responsibility can be overwhelming. It’s easier if you set priorities and break large tasks into smaller ones.

I strongly recommend avoiding the use of alcohol when depressed. People question me on this since they believe they feel better when they have a drink. Unfortunately, the alcohol is only a temporary high which can lead to a dangerous pattern of highs and lows which can create a negative spiral which can be very difficult to change. This has also led to many suicides.

When I have lead depression groups, people have told me they really didn’t like to be around others who were depressed. They wanted to be alone. However, while they didn’t realize it at the time, it was with this isolation that kept them stuck in the depression. If you are depressed or know of someone depressed, I strongly urge you or the other person to force oneself to be with people, if only for a brief period of time. Believe me it works, but it takes time to feel better.

I usually ask people, “What time of the day do you feel a little better?” Most people with depression have some time during the day that is a little better for them. Whatever that time is, I suggest you take advantage of that time and do some of the things that you want to do and enjoy doing. It’s not uncommon for most people to feel better at night. During periods of my late husband’s severe depression he slept all day and was up all night. If this applies to you, do some of your chores at night and be easy on yourself during the day. There is no ‘law’ that says when chores need to be done.

I have always been strong about advising people to keep journals. This is very true with depression. It’s through journaling that you will notice those maybe small, but brief changes in your thought patterns. Without the journal to keep you focused, you will have a tendency to only focus on the most powerful feeling of depression which may seem to be overwhelming you.

Avoid making any major decision until your depression is under control. If a major decision needs to be made, be sure you consult with another trusted individual who can have an objective view of your situation.

As difficult as it may seem, exercise is very, very important. We know that exercise does wonders for your mood. This is a beautiful time of the year to get out and take a brisk walk. I urge my clients, ‘begin by putting one foot out in front of the other!’ You may need to force yourself at first, but it is well worth it. Perhaps you can find someone to join you.

Pay attention to your thinking. Do you tend to think negatively? Negative thinking goes hand-in-hand with depression. It’s very helpful to recognize your negative thinking and then look at what you can do differently to change the negative thinking into positive thinking. I am a strong believer that positive thinking is very crucial to overcoming depression, anxiety and many other problems.

Let me give you an example of negative thinking I hear quite often in my office: “I am never going to get any better.” This statement denotes a sense of helplessness, victimization and doom. An example of a more positive statement would be, “I’m having a really tough time, but occasionally I have a few brief periods where I experience a little relief. I have hopes I’ll ride through these tough times!”

I have also had people come to me about a friend, neighbor or relative whose mood and/or behavior has changed and question how to help them. These people are frustrated because they have attempted to help their friends or relatives; however, their attempts were only met with anger and rejection. Yes, it is unfortunate, but some people are unaware they are depressed because their depression does not show itself in the usual manner. Instead, their depression comes out in camouflaged ways such as irritability, anger and accusatory statements of blaming another person for what was done to them. If someone tells you that you have changed, I encourage you to listen to them and check things out with a professional. Be in charge of your life and be happy!

The library has many self-help books available on depression. Whatever you do, don’t lose hope. If you are feeling desperate, you can always call the 24-hour crisis hot-line at 649-1404

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Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.