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The Farmer File: Think twice of becoming condo commando

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The worst idea I ever had was to agree to become president of a Marco Island condo association, a classic case of nobody else willing to take the job.

I didn’t even live there but my parents did.

I figured they could keep an eye on things. What a boneheaded strategy that was. Mom and Dad felt funny about reporting rule violations by people with whom they partied poolside.

After a year I developed a flesh-eating allergy to condo commandos and relinquished my post to a newcomer who thought it would be cool to wield a gavel. Trouble was, we had sold the gavel the previous winter as a budget-cutting measure.

With that background, I was interested to see the Florida Legislature considering laws to make sense of how people who live in group environments, such as in Florida’s almost 1.4 million condo units, can coexist without fisticuffs.

There are two kinds of condo associations — those with too many rules and those with too many bad rules.

The problem is fundamental: how to juggle the inevitable struggle of people from different places with disparate backgrounds, cultures and golf handicaps trying to get along in close proximity.

The various proposals include some with a major “Duh” factor:

One plan would require that convicted felons on condo boards must have had their rights restored. What?

If a convicted felon, rights restored or not, could be on a condo board, how would residents prohibit somebody who was, say, just a small-time shoplifter? Felons are OK but an owner who neglects to collect her dog’s deposits loses her shuffleboard privileges?

Another proposal in Tallahassee would require full disclosure if any condo board member has a financial interest in any contract.

Do we need that law? Is it really OK in Florida condo buildings for, say, the lawn care company to be owned by the condo treasurer’s brother-in-law? (That darned fertilizer sure is getting expensive, right Harry?)

I know this is a serious subject and I know eventually the Legislature will cook up some more rules for us to live by.

The smell of boiled brussels sprouts wafting down the hall and under the door can change an otherwise rational condo resident into an anti-aroma-ite. At the next condo meeting he or she may demand the association install plug-in room deodorizers in the halls.

If some legislator hears about this brussels sprouts stink, odor meters might be required above every cooktop. I hear they come in black or stainless steel to go with other appliances.

Some years ago at one Marco garden condo complex an owner was called to account for putting a screen door on his unit. Why?

“You can’t have a screen door unless all the other owners install them too.” Why? “Because we want to maintain uniformity.”

Why? Did they prefer the place to look like a low security prison facility? What was next? Curfews? Lights out at 10 p.m.? No chewing gum at board meetings?

It takes strong people to run condo boards these days, with foreclosures raising anxiety levels and maintenance costs going up.

Laws aside, the best advice I’ve seen is from a Toronto Star columnist quoting a former condo president: “You want people on the board who don’t want to be on the board.”

Contact Don Farmer at don@donfarmer.com.

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