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I was inspired to write this column as a result of a few minutes of an interview I saw on the Today show this past week.

On that day, they interviewed a husband and wife who had 17 children. I was amazed to see how well behaved all the children were. They all seemed happy and content; even the youngest, an infant, slept during the interview!

The children answered questions and you could see they just accepted as a norm each person had their responsibilities. They all learned how to get along with one another. The oldest boy spoke with much appreciation and respect for his parents. They showed different scenes of them traveling as a happy family. I wish I had seen the whole interview. You could see the children were happy having all of their siblings. They were a true joy to see. It was amazing, because when the parents were asked if they would want to have another child, they both answered, ‘yes!’

That family interview was a far different picture from some families I have seen when out and about. I also have heard different stories from other people. I’m a big advocate of parents teaching their children from an early age to be aware of their feelings and of being able to express their feelings in an effective manner. Thus, this column has evolved.

If there is more than one child in a house, there are bound to be some problems. We term this as ‘sibling rivalry.’ There is competition, fighting and jealousy between the children. This is very natural. Having some competition and learning how to get along is all well and good. Children need to learn to learn and take of life. A family is the place where the child learns how to cope with the real world.

Very often you may notice the problems of jealousy show up right shortly after the birth of the second child. I noticed it when my second child was born and I noticed it again when my daughter had her second, which turned out to be double trouble for the oldest because they were twins! But, there are things parents can do to help children as they move along in life. Talk to your child about what he is feeling.

If your child is very young, help him recognize when he is feeling upset. Acknowledge his anger, such as: “I know you are angry at Jimmy, but you cannot hit your brother with that toy.”

It’s very natural for a child to be furious with his sibling. Talk with your child and explain that it is easy to lose your temper when one is frustrated. Teach him to take some slow deep breathes as he thinks about the situation and exactly what he is feeling. If a sibling beat him at a game, help him recall another time where perhaps he came out ahead of his sibling. This helps your child see that he doesn’t lose all the time, etc.

I believe there are a few simple ground rules to help kids get along. Basically, every family should teach the basic rule of common respect of no name-calling, no cursing, no yelling and no door-slamming. When age appropriate, it’s great when you can have them give their input for further rules, as well as for the consequences when those rules are broken. I have found this very helpful when working with families as it helps children take responsibility for their own actions.

When children are younger and they are fighting, parents can help children solve their problem by setting them in chairs opposite one another as they think about what they were fighting about. Here, the parent is not taking sides, but is helping them learn to talk to each other about the problem instead of fighting about it.

Fighting amongst siblings is very common, yet it is very upsetting when parents hear and see their children fighting with one another. Many parents want to step in and manage the fight. However, I caution parents. If you solve the problem for them, how are they learning to work out their problems? How are you preparing them for life? Thus, I encourage parents, do not get involved unless there is danger of physical harm.

Remember, as parents, you are role models for your children. If you and your spouse work through conflicts in a productive and respectful manner, the greater the likelihood your children will utilize these same tactics whenever they come upon a problem with another individual. If your children see you calling your spouse ugly names, yelling and screaming and slamming doors, etc., they very likely will pick up those very same habits. Remember, children do what they see! They are imitators and followers. Remember, you are their role model!

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Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.