STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

Tell us about it

• What would you add to this story? Tell us what we missed.
• Do you have photos from this event? Documents we need to see? Share with us.
• Upload photos & videos
• More ways to get your stuff online and in the paper.

More Ethics & Civility

• Ethics & Civility: Life after high school — are they prepared?
• Ethics & Civility: Screening your children’s movies
• Ethics & Civility: Don’t push your own guilt buttons — nor let your adult children do so

Share and Enjoy [?]

Some of you may be wondering, male menopause? How can that be? Naturally, men cannot have menopause like women, but many men over the age of 35 or so do have the male equivalent called andropause, which has many of the same similar symptoms women experience.

I’m not going to debate whether that is a myth or not. However, as unsettling as the physical changes of middle age may be, it’s the mental and emotional transition that can really play havoc with a man’s middle years.

There are various reasons that cause the problem. Some are medical. Thus, if you notice your mate experiencing any of the menopausal symptoms, I recommend you have him check with his medical professional.

Gail Sheehy, the author of Understanding Men’s Passages commented that in the first half of their lives, men are rewarded for putting blinders on while they are so busy pursuing their narrow career path. It’s that hard push forward. However, after a certain number of birthdays have passed they find that life isn’t so straight forward. Thus, some men find themselves in the midst of the mid-life crisis.

I have seen many men who have found themselves in that very situation. They felt they had lost out on so much. They felt they had not really lived, for all they did was work, work, work to get ahead. For some, their marriage was ending in divorce, while others were having health issues. Thus, they were feeling depressed and empty.

Most men do not talk very easily, but we know it’s easier for females. Some people are uncomfortable to talk about sex, but it’s very important that sex be addressed. If your man is having problems with his performance, he’s very likely going to start pulling away from any intimacy with you. At the first sign of this, it’s important that you use your female gift of voice and engage him in conversation. The longer you put this off, the worse it will become. I encourage women to keep the channels of communication open.

Prior to our marriage, Jerry and I agreed we would have weekly dates. (We were bringing four teenage children together into this marriage and we knew we were going to need time just for the two of us.) That was one of the wisest things we ever did. We looked forward to our weekly dates! Perhaps you can begin to do that for you and your partner. It’s never too late.

It’s sad that so many people become obsessed with acquiring material things, always having to have the new job with the bigger salary, the bigger party, or the bigger house, or whatever. This all leads to such an empty feeling inside. However, what I have witnessed in these 31 years of counseling men has been that the real success and happiness comes in the form of connectedness.

Many men have stayed in a job that was dissatisfying in order to keep up with family financial needs. Wives, you can let your spouse know that there are other paths they can take that you could be satisfied with. Perhaps this is the time to reassess your family’s true financial needs. It all boils down to what is more important to you in life; is it a new car or time you spend with your children in doing homework, or possibly in playing games with your children, or spending more essential time with your spouse?

Women, as you can see, opening the door of communication with your mate will be a large asset in helping him through his menopausal time. You and everyone else in the family will benefit.

---

Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.