STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

Tell us about it

• What would you add to this story? Tell us what we missed.
• Do you have photos from this event? Documents we need to see? Share with us.
• Upload photos & videos
• More ways to get your stuff online and in the paper.

More Ethics & Civility

• Ethics & Civility: Life after high school — are they prepared?
• Ethics & Civility: Screening your children’s movies
• Ethics & Civility: Don’t push your own guilt buttons — nor let your adult children do so

Share and Enjoy [?]

Last week I was inspired to write about sibling rivalry due to the television interview on the Today show of the parents who had 17 children and how well those children respected and appreciated each other.

This week’s column is also being written as a follow up because while I didn’t hear anyone specifically say what anyone did in that interview, I know the father had to work to be able to support the family. Mom just had the 17th child. Thus, someone was doing the work!

While I didn’t hear the whole interview, I remember hearing they went through 40 loaves of bread a week! I can’t help but believe those children must be involved doing many things in the home.

I have heard parents argue the pros and cons of having their children do household chores. While I believe strongly that children do need to have certain responsibilities in a household, I decided to do a little research to back up my viewpoint.

I found some research that Marty Rossman, emeritus professor of family education at University of Minnesota did on involving children in household tasks.

Her research showed involving children in household tasks at an early age definitely can have a positive impact later in life. It showed children learned a sense of competence, self-reliance, self-worth and responsibility that they had to keep to utilize throughout their life.

Almost everyone has observed a little child fascinated with what mom or dad was doing and wanting to help, but as they grew older, this desire seemed to wane and they became preoccupied in other things. After all, they had to do their school work and then there are those extracurricular activities, not to mention their friends, television, telephone, video games, etc.

Parents become frustrated as to how they can get their children involved in performing the household chores. Basically, it’s ideal to involve then when they are at that very young age, as Dr. Rossman stated, when they have that desire to help. Of course, it takes the time and patience to let them make a mess as they learn what is the right procedure. However, I can guarantee you, it will definitely pay off later.

When young children feel that their mom or dad believe they are capable of handling simple chores around the house, it sends them a powerful message that gives them that sense of self-confidence. They have that good feeling inside, “I can do it!” Parents, you have all felt that sense of accomplishment inside yourself. Let your children feel it too at a young age. Of course, this does take patience!

If you did not begin to give your children chores at a young age, all is not lost. However, you will save yourself some agony by assigning chores that are age appropriate.

Some parents want their children involved, yet want things done correctly. A small bit of advice from me is, please, do not expect them to get it done to your expectations. It very likely will not happen. Besides, children are just beginning to develop, thus, just encourage them to continue to help on whatever level they are the best they can. Considering their age, initially accepting the making of their bed as long as the covers are on the bed, they have accomplished the task at their level. No matter what age your child is, for most of you, your child will not be able to do it to your expectation no matter what he/she does.

Parents, please allow your children some time after they come home from school to relax before demanding them to do some of their chores. On the other hand, there are a few children who prefer to do their chores immediately after school so they are free to do what they are comfortable with. You will need to be intuitive enough to assess your child’s own needs.

I believe children do best when they have an opportunity to be involved in deciding what chores they prefer to do within reason, of course. I also think it is a good idea to alternate chores. Thus, with the children that can tell you their preferences, list their preferences and alternate those. Thus no chore gets too boring.

Sometimes, we realize our children need some gentle reminders. Perhaps we may need to put up charts which indicate the assignment. Visual reminders are always good for all of us.

What your child learns from you today will be a lifetime experience enabling them to be more successful in life.

---

Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.