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Thanksgiving Day originated nearly four centuries ago when the pilgrims dedicated a day for thanking God for the bounty He had given them.

They had begun their journey from Southampton, England in August of 1620 with 103 passengers. They had planned to go to the Virginia coast where other pilgrims had begun colonies. However, due to the stormy weather and pounding waves in the Atlantic they accidentally ended up at Cape Cod, off the coast of Massachusetts.

Unfortunately, during the next few months, they endured many hardships. Due to infection, sickness and the long New England winter there were only 56 survivors.

With spring came renewed hope and they worked hard planting crops and building homes and making friends with Indian tribes. They reaped their first harvest that fall and their governor, William Bradford, proclaimed a day of Thanksgiving to God.

The pilgrims learned that everything did not go the way they wanted it to go, but they endured and continued and believed and kept a positive outlook and thus they were successful.

As human beings we tend to magnify our focus on the negative things in our life much more than the positive things. It is such a shame because in doing so, we are losing out on such precious elements of peace and love around us and within us. Our discontent and uneasiness inside cheats us of that peace, love and serenity in life.

I am known for asking people to write ‘gratitude lists.’ A common comment I receive is, “That’s hard to do. It’s easier to think of what I don’t have or what I don’t want.” Thus, in preparation for this Thanksgiving Day, you might take some time to write your ‘thankful list.’

I know you will do quite well being thankful for your immediate loved ones. In writing your ’thankful list’, write their name and specifically why you are thankful. Such as, “I am thankful for my husband because he is always there to listen to me when I need to talk.” Then continue mentioning all of the other people you are thankful for and why in the same manner.

Now, let’s look at people on the more difficult list, ones that are more of a challenge to be around. Hopefully in doing this, it will make your family time with them a little more pleasant. I will give you an example of a few of them.

Let’s look at a daughter-in-law who has a tendency to irritate you because she bosses your son around. I know you are wondering how you can be grateful for being with her this Thanksgiving. However, mom, you might be thankful that she is reminding you to be respectful of your husband at all times. Or, you may feel sorry for her that inside she may be feeling so inferior that she has this need to feel superior outwardly.

Next, we have the mother-in-law who always tells the daughter-in-law how she should have cooked something differently. Again, I know it is hard to see the gratefulness when you are nearly done cooking Thanksgiving Dinner and she is telling you what you should have done differently! Perhaps, you can be thankful to see what awareness that is giving you about relationships. You can take this and focus on how you would want to treat your ‘daughter-in-law’ of the future. Focus on what you would want to do differently. You could also practice some patience and feel sorry for her. Perhaps she is unaware of how damaging her comments are to you. In her own mind she may think she is giving you a helpful hint. (One you definitely didn’t need or want!)

It’s important to know, when it comes to people who are a thorn in our lives, we cannot change them. We cannot change other people; we can only change ourselves. Thus, it is best if we can accept them for who they are, while at the same time being thankful for what we have learned about ourselves, relationships, etc as a result of that experience.

I think you have the idea for your family list. Now I’d like to just list a few other items that we can add outside of family names. All of us have been affected by the road construction on the island as we all have to slow up somewhere. There have been some big traffic tie-ups especially at the major intersections. However, perhaps instead of being upset and angry you could turn this around. You could say, “I am grateful for the construction as it slowed me up and I did not get a speeding ticket.”

This is a painful one for people to be thankful for. How can you be thankful for getting a DUI that results in thousands of dollars in legal fees, court and probation, etc? Many have been able to be grateful for the wake-up call to be aware of the danger of alcohol and driving. They are thankful they did not cause bodily harm or death to themselves or to another. Some have gone to the officer that arrested them and thanked them.

Think of anyone in your life that gave you a hard time. Be thankful for the opportunity to have grown and become a stronger individual as a result of that experience.

Thanksgiving Day began because the pilgrims had this belief. It’s a day dedicated to giving thanks to God for the many things we often take for granted Wednesday.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving Day!

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Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.