One of the great joys in writing this column, is I get to brag. About my talented friends! Like Linda Swindling. We’ve been buddies or kindred spirits for years.

How come? Well, maybe what attracted us to one another, is something we have in common, yet neither one of us does. We’re both attorneys ... who don’t practice. Linda is a speaker, author and respected authority on persuasion, negotiations and influence.

CEOs, entrepreneurs and business people rely upon her wise counsel to grow their businesses. Fast!

Recently, while chowing down in Dallas on authentic Texas barbecue, Linda gave me “dessert” before I could even get my fingers and face messy with tangy, thick sauce! It was a collection of her “Passport” series of books. These dynamite quick-reads are filled with great stuff. Pithy, powerful principles on service, leadership, negotiations and success. While Linda knows “the law,” most importantly, she knows the life lessons that really matter.

Here are excerpts from our conversation and one of her books, Meet the Challenge.

Jeff Blackman: Define success.

Linda Swindling: The truly successful aim at lofty goals. They rise to meet the occasion, whether opportunity or adversity. The truly powerful achieve more than success in business. They implement a code of conduct in which ethics and responsibility to family, community and others are as important as financial or social acclaim.

People who are successful choose and support a handful of priorities. They’re realistic about what they want. When you set goals:

• Opt for fewer choices to increase impact.

• Promise in writing with a time limit.

• Pick goals that are specific and measurable.

• Set obtainable desires with some stretch.

• Track efforts and measure endeavors.

• Identify milestones and deadlines.

• Review for direction and revision.

• Take charge and celebrate results.

JB: Can “results” and “balance” be achieved together?

LS: Balancing everything requires defining priorities and values. Then you can build a system that supports your lifestyle. Really reflect on what adds quality versus what’s just quantity.

It helps to:

• Say no, a lot.

• Simplify your life.

• Determine where you can blend.

• Conquer your saboteurs.

• Lose the guilt about not doing it all.

• Re-energize, reflect and have fun.

• Nurture your self-esteem.

JB: How do you toss out what doesn’t work?

LS: It makes no sense to hold on to unhealthy thoughts. Stop feeling guilty and worrying over small items.

Instead:

• Dwell on what can be changed.

• Remedy what you can and then move on.

• Remember your parents’ way doesn’t have to be yours.

• Make peace with yourself and others.

• Deal with history and get help if needed.

• Set healthy boundaries.

• Stop chasing butterflies.

• Accept what “is” and live in the present. You can make peace with something or allow it to tear you to pieces. Your choice.

JB: While you stress personal accountability, other people or “influencers” still matter.

LS: Of course. Successful people surround themselves with strong friendships and networks. They build allies at all levels. Make sure you:

• Lose the losers and pick enhancers.

• Share the glory and celebrate success.

• Have reliable critics for feedback.

• Forgive imperfections, including your own.

• Know who knows what.

• Put it into perspective.

• Build others’ egos.

• Don’t underestimate people.

• Practice positive gossip and stay in-the-loop.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We can be valued only as we make ourselves valuable.”

JB: But what if you’re also surrounded by others who are “the challenge” and a pain in the ...

LS: Some people are just difficult. The truly successful, remember the goal is to cope, not to reform.

Learn to:

• Stay cool, calm and in control.

• Accept people won’t change.

• Discover when problems occur.

• Decide when to get help and when to give up.

• Be proactive, not reactive.

• Avoid toxic people.

• Minimize the exposure or control they have.

• Stop subjecting yourself to their madness.

• Quit relying on or trusting them. Successful professionals anticipate problems. They understand how to disagree without being disagreeable. They keep their empathy, integrity and humor. Remember, never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty and only the pig likes it!

For more of Linda’s lessons, take a peek at:www.lindaswindling.com.