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We've been spoiled. Unlike many grandparents, we've been able to have our grandsons for long vacations whenever school let out. We thought it would go on forever. But nothing ever does because children grow older and busier with each year.

Now that one boy is a teenager and the younger brother is almost one, their lives have become filled with many different interests. We can no longer take for granted that their holidays are to be spent with us. We now have competition from other parts of their lives, like the Boy Scouts, band and their growing circle of friends. Their schedules don't always include visiting grandma and grandpa anymore. They've turned into "guys" having their own agendas. We're only a tiny part of their busy lives now.

This can be a very disturbing situation for grandparents. But it's especially so for us because up until now, our grandchildren's free time was always spent with us. We thought it would always be thus. Not so, however. Life doesn't stay static until we're dead. And two youngsters growing into men have reached an age where they make their own plans. That means they may love their grandparents but might want to spend their free time hanging out with their buddies instead of us.

It's a revelation we all learn first as parents, then as grandparents. Children grow up and leave the nest. We must let go, even though our hearts are heavy. We have to embrace this new situation. It's healthy that these youngsters are growing independent and self-sufficient.

Their grandfather is taking this change in his stride. I must admit that I mulched and moaned for several days until I realized that what is happening might not be so terrible after all. Instead of planning our lives around our grandsons' vacations and taking them to places we know they would love, we can start traveling in new and exciting directions. We can start taking trips by ourselves to places we haven't been because of the boys' limited vacation time. We loved traveling with them and watching their excitement at seeing sights like Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon when they were younger. But there's still lots of places we grownups want to visit.

Their long stays with us may be over, but that doesn't mean we won't be speaking with them on the phone and over e-mail. We are bonded together, and we'll always have a place in their hearts. We'll still see them on special occasions and enjoy our traveling with them. For instance, this coming summer they won't be with us as long as usual. We'll spend our time together traveling to Alaska, Seattle and sightseeing in San Francisco.

Spending that much intense time with a couple of teenagers can be quite a lot of fun, but it's also exhausting. By the time they go home I have no doubt that we'll be ready for a real vacation. They may be getting older, but so are we.

We love our grandsons, and sometimes I wish they lived right next door so we could see them for short visits and be more involved in their lives. They could have easy access to grandfather's enormous knowledge of science and literature.

But I also think it's nice that there's some distance between us. We've raised one set of children. We don't need to raise another, only enjoy them. They have parents to love and take care of them. Grandparents are a luxury, not a necessity.

Young children are adorable. Teenagers are another story. They're all about growing pains and pimples. This is their parents' time, not ours. There's a time when it's wise to pull back and enjoy the serenity of not having children around the house. Our grandsons have moved on, and I'm ready and willing to accept it.